Former Oak Ridge Boy Suffers Strange Disease (10/01/99) -- by Monka ex Mars

A press conference was held today regarding the strange disease contracted by one of the members of the country music group "The Oak Ridge Boys."

This weird ailment has been kept secret since he first had symptoms three years ago. The long-time band member's name is being withheld due to the extended scrutiny of the tabloids.

The strange unknown affliction was dubbed "Oak Ridge Disease" by the doctors researching a cure and/or treatment for it. The ailment is characterized by a growth of abnormally fiberized hair arising in a pattern restricted only in the facial area. The weird hair growth causes its victims to take on the appearance of a dog, much like the disease known as Lupus causes its sufferers to resemble a wolf.

"I can still play piano," says the mystery Oak Ridge Boy. "The band just might get back together because of all of this. I think it would be a big crowd-pleaser for me to go on tour like this -- a piano-playin' dog...who can sing, too!"

The other members of the band have declined to comment regarding the disease, and have not confirmed any plans for an up-coming tour.

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