Drunken Sermon

A priest was nervous about doing his first sermon, so he drank a little vodka before the sermon as the monsignor suggested. The priest may have had a little too much vodka, though.

Upon his return to his office after mass, a well-meaning parishioner left the following comments in a note slipped under his office door:

1. Sip the Vodka, don't gulp.
2. There are 10 commandments, not 12.
3. There are 12 disciples, not 10.
4. Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
5. Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.
6. The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior and the Spook.
7. David slew Goliath, he did not kick the shit out of him.
8. When David was hit by a rock and knocked off his donkey, don't say he was stoned off his ass.
9. When Jesus broke the bread at the Last Supper he said, "Take this and eat it for it is my body." He did not say "Eat me."
10. Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at St.Peter's, not a peter pulling contest at St.Taffy's.